Something Wicked This Way Comes
I went to Catholic school. And, in the grand curriculum of all things holy and spirity and mean, somewhere along the line, I had to learn all the words to Hail, Mary by heart. Fourth or fifth grade...
View ArticleFile this under: Things I worry about often that are probably less important...
In fourth grade, the school nurse sent a note home to my parents stating that she saw me squinting in the library, and that maybe an appointment with an ophthalmologist would be in order. I discreetly...
View ArticleAbout Utah, Part Three: I see dead people.
524 Main Street does not exist. We drove all around town at 10 o’clock at night, in a rented SUV with Alaska plates. I had a panic attack. I pulled into an Italian restaurant called Adolph’s. Katie...
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Fish.
If my life were a movie, I’m not sure who would play me. I’d like to think Emily Blunt or a young Elisabeth Shue. Like, Adventures in Babysitting Elisabeth…or even Cocktail. But with less backcombing...
View ArticleFish: Part 2
I know you are all wondering…what the hell happened, right?! Ok, so first, I know there was some confusion in the comments and in emails, mostly because I’m really bad at explaining things, and also, I...
View ArticleNot given up for Lent? Shame and humiliation.
I have an unnatural relationship with Lent. Like, if Lent was a child, I couldn’t work or live within 100 yards of it. I don’t know what it is, there is just something about the fasting of Jesus Christ...
View ArticleThe Marriage Sermon.
In order to get married in the Catholic church, you have to complete pre-marital counseling. I think that’s pretty typical as far as religions go, this sort of antiquated attempt to prepare couples...
View ArticleCan you make a circle of trust with only three people? Or does that just make...
When we were younger, my brother and I took the bus after school to our babysitter’s house. Her name was Brenda, she’d been doing this for twenty years, she was the meanest woman I knew, and we’d stay...
View ArticleThe Rib of Man.
This might be somewhat controversial, but as an amateur part-time scientist, it’s my job to, like, hypothesize and think about stuff that the average person may not think of because they’re too...
View ArticleThings that are round.
I haven’t been able to shake my crappy mood lately. This Saturday I stood in front of a plastic card table, next a chubby old clown with blue frizzy hair, glitter on her cheeks, and bright pink...
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